Anticipation- what kind is yours?

I love playing Solitaire…well, we all need some downtime.  I was mentally beating myself up the other day for “wasting time”, when I thought, “No.  There is a reason, a good reason, I am doing this.”  After all, we never do anything without a “pay-off” or “upside”.  I was really familiar with the “cost” or “downside”of my love of Solitaire, chiefly that procrastination gets in the way of me really achieving my goals….However, I firmly believe that nothing happens without a reason.  What was the jewel hiding inside my guilt?

When I went inside, I realised it was the joy of anticipation.  Every time I click on the Deal button, there is a chance that this will be the game I will win.  Every time I turn the card, it could be the one!  What  joy to see the hands stack up  neatly.  Now I am aware this sounds a little like the Joy of Gambling, and yes, I suppose, that “What if” is the drug that all gamblers get addicted to.  But for me, the jewel is that moment of anticipation, not what comes next.  It really doesn’t matter whether the game works out or not.  Its only a game.  At least I am not assuming it will fail.  Every time I turn a card, I get that faint, but real, thrill of anticipation.  And its an anticipation of something good happening.

What has this to do with autism or being a parent of an autistic child?  I realise that often when I am with my child, I have a different kind of anticipation.  I anticipate a problem. It could be that when I talk to a teacher, I anticipate a negative reaction about a behaviour.  It could be that when I get up in the morning, I anticipate a problem with my child getting dressed.  It could be anything.  It doesn’t matter.  But what I do know is that if I am anticipating a problem, guess what I am going to get?  Its all in my mindset.  I know this, but I forget.  Perhaps you do to.

So I have decided to CELEBRATE the thrill of turning the card.  The trick will be to turn the cards of real life with the same thrill.  If I anticipate things sliding neatly into place, perhaps the meeting will go well, dressing will go smoothly.  At the very least I will have opened up the possibility of success, not failure.  Anticipation could be fun!