The Day After

Yesterday I posted about my daughter’s sleeplessness and I asked for help.  So simple and it worked.
Today I feel so different.  I had the visit from the Doctor while my daughter slept.  For an hour I talked about my daughter and something miraculous happened.  I was listened to and heard.  I have a lot of [...]

On the Edge

I often think quite a lot before I write a post, but this one is coming right out.  My daughter is still not sleeping, though with acupuncture treatment she is slowly but securely getting better.  Men, think of all the women you have lived with and how you feel around their PMS.  Women, think how that [...]

The hole in my heart

This weekend, my autistic daughter has gone away for the first time.  She is not being tucked up by me or her father or her step-father.  Not one of us is making sure she has her snacks, or her non-gluten meals.  Not one of us is reading her favourite story, or sticking stickers with her….
I [...]

I think she is very happy

I wrote before that my daughter is going through a withdrawn phase.  She is not sleeping well, she hardly talks, she is enclosed in her autistic world in a way we have not experienced for years.
I run a home-based programme for her, Son-Rise. www.autismtreatmentcenter.org.  Wonderful people come to our home and play with her, gently encouraging [...]

Sometimes I’m just sad

Being a parent of a child with….well, in Britain we say Special Needs.  How is that different from being a parent full stop?  Why would a different brain or body make a difference to how we view ourselves as parents?  After all, every child needs looking after, feeding ,clothing and loving…
But, and here I sigh…… [...]

One More Mile

Do you ever find yourself making allowances for your “special” child?  Giving that extra helping hand? doing things for them they may be able to do perfectly well on their own?  The urge to protect is the strongest primal emotion for all parents- it’s part of our DNA.  And when we have a child with [...]

In training

Every time I snap at my autistic daughter, there’s a clue. 
Every time I put myself down, “I should have handled that better”, there’s a clue. 
Every time I blame the world, “They shouldn’t be like that”, there’s a clue.
Our lives are full of clues, over and over again.  The good news is that there are lots [...]

Dream world

My daughter is not sleeping at the moment.  Not at all.  Five nights so far.  This happened last year as well, with all sorts of other behaviour changes.  Eventually we were given a medecine that magically put her back on track- what a relief.  Autism is a doddle compared to madness, and last year I [...]

The Day I Lost My Daughter

Actually, I didn’t lose her- but it felt like I did.
How?
For the first time in many, many years, she was away from home. Not just for the day, but for the night, five nights in all. What to do with myself? In the morning, I padded by her bedroon quietly, so as not to wake [...]

Heaven and Hell

Today I finished the final day of an amazing 6 day dance workshop…..At one time, I felt so alone and so lonely all I could do was weep. After a while, another dancer came up to me and joined me in my dance until I had moved through the emotion and was joyful again. Another [...]